Cycling Holiday
by nothing-chan
Summary: It takes him a second to realize we haven't died and that I'm still on the back of the bike, clutching for dear life onto his white shirt, and then he laughs.


_Cycling Holiday- Nico Muhly_

* * *

Have you ever noticed how the sun sometimes leaves you in a haze? Like, you're sitting in it and it's hitting your face and you want to stretch across some warm grass like a lazy cat on a lazy Sunday morning. Well I've noticed, and it's my most favorite feeling in the world.

If melting had a feeling, that's what it would be, the hazy sun feeling. Everything would be a nice soft yellow and you slowly just leave everything behind, worries and work and fights and arguments, all of its gone and you're just smiling and melting into the ground. Pretty soon you're just a big pile of liquid but you don't really care because the sun is still warm and now you're warm too.

Usually when I feel the sun like that I nap in it, a dreamless, deep sleep, but not today. Today I am riding on a bike in the sun.

The winds there too, but it isn't cold wind, its warm wind, a breeze. Kind of stale actually, but I don't mind. It feels nice against my face and hair and I try to let it sink into me like the sun is at this very moment. Now that I think about it, it kind of smells, like flowers, or cigarettes, or salt water. It smells like pizza and high heels and cobblestone. If I wasn't on a bike, I think I would take a bottle out and capture it, because I like it a lot, so much so I would wear it on me.

I could if I wanted to; I'm not steering after all. It's insane to think he would ever let me steer, always worrying, but right now I don't think I will. Sometimes capturing things in your brain makes them better memories, sweeter when you discover them later. Besides, my hands are more than happy to tighten around his torso and cling for dear life as he swerves past an old woman pushing a carriage, deep sea eyes wide in alarm.

It takes him a second to realize we haven't died and that I'm still on the back of the bike, clutching for dear life onto his white shirt, and then he laughs. Tittering, nervous, but a laugh that makes his blonde bangs dust his eyebrows as he glances back to me insensibly, my presence more important than safety apparently. I'm smiling as wide as I can at him and he just sort of stops breathing for a minute, his chest stilling underneath my palms. I don't know if he was going to say something or maybe kiss me, but before he can, a couple walks by and yells loudly at us as we almost crash into them. He turns back around quickly, cheeks red and trying to concentrate while I laugh and smile behind him. He is a bad driver, but according to everyone else I'm not the greatest either, so I guess we have that in common and I guess that makes me press closer to him.

After a while of watching shops and apartments flash by, I lay my cheek against his back and close my eyes. The sun is going away and all I can smell is the evergreen detergent on his stiff shirt. We've been riding for a long time and the breeze has cooled down, leaving me cold and shivering. He seems a little concerned but he isn't slowing down which doesn't really bother me, it just means I get to morph closer to him. I don't really have a reason too, but I start to feel uncomfortable. My body hurts from sitting so long and I'm _really_ cold now. The smell of his shirt is too strong and it's too dark out to see anything anymore. We're probably going to crash, so I hold on tighter and tighter like I know what's going to happen but I don't want it to at all.

I open my eyes slowly and the sun is completely gone. There's pounding in my head as the rain smacks against the window I've decided to rest against, body curled in on itself as if it were hugging someone dear. Kiku can tell I'm awake and he glances over, hands still set perfectly on the wheel.

"We're almost there Feliciano," his voice is hum-drum as he fiddles with the radio, switching from the news to an acoustic station since I'm awake and he knows I'll find the stock market much too boring. I don't really want to accept it's real, but it is, and cycling was all a dream. He's dead. I sit up slowly and taste the cotton balls in my mouth, trying to adjust to everything passing by me.

When I fell asleep it was warm and bright, late afternoon haze sun, when I woke up it was dark and cold, the car bumping down an old dirt road with only trees around. We've been driving for so long I forget why we are driving in the first place, so I try not to remember and focus on the evergreen air-freshener bouncing around on the rearview mirror. There are some flowers on the ground, a present from Kiku to me, and a pizza box open from when we decided to stop for dinner hours ago.

It's my birthday, that's why I'm here. Kiku's driving me to see my real present, which is apparently extremely important since he's wasting all this gas money. I don't think I've ever seen Kiku look sneaky, but he does right now, fingers fidgeting on the wheel and mouth trying not to stray into a smile. I watch him for a while and a few songs pass before he turns the wheel and begins to talk.

"Cover your eyes," He says quickly, and I oblige, not even peeking between my fingers like a good birthday boy. I would feel more excited if the sun were up I bet, but that's not Kiku's fault so I don't hold it against him. The car rolls to a smooth stop and I sit rather impatiently as the driver side door opens and Kiku leaves me alone in the car, smelling evergreen pizza and listening to the seatbelt alarm ding.

He must be setting things up because it takes him a few minutes to come back and open my door for me. "Grab onto my arm," He instructs and I listen again, letting him pull me out of the seat and into the heavy outdoors. It's stopped raining, but it's still wet outside. The atmosphere clings to me from every direction, as I stumble and laugh out of the car. It smells nice outside, like clean stems, and I want to look around but Kiku makes sure my hands are planted firm over my eyes.

"Now walk," He's bossing me around a lot, which is unusual, but it makes me even more excited in a way. The dewy grass is getting under my jeans and tickling my ankles, making me wiggle like a snake against him. Kiku doesn't think it's as funny as I do though, and keeps pushing me along, up what seems to be a hill.

When we reach the top I can feel something warm on my hands. Sun. This is enough to make me start bouncing quickly, extracting an exasperated laugh from Kiku.

"Alright, ready?" I don't even have to speak to convey my readiness and Kiku removes his hands from pressuring my eyes. "One…two…three!"

It's brighter than before and I can't see much at first, but when I do, I want to scream and cry and laugh all at once. I settle on making an odd choking noise and letting my mouth part a bit, surveying everything around me.

The sun is coming up, a brand new day, the actual day of my birth. Everything is soft and calm, some bird trilling in the distance. I think we're on a hill, a very tall one at that, because the sun looks so close and so beautiful I wonder if we're standing in front of it in the middle of space. It's all great, beautiful, a sunrise fit for a prince, but that's not what makes my heart jump start inside of me.

Ludwig is standing a few feet away, in front of the sun, like a pale, stern-faced angel. Except he doesn't look stern, he looks sweet and nervous and so much like _him _but so much like _Ludwig_ it feels like I'm dreaming again. I want to pinch myself or cry or rush forward for a hug, but the sight of the old bicycle decorated with bright white flowers behind him makes everything stop.

I've decided that mid-afternoon haze isn't what I like the most; it's early morning sun rise clarity. When the dew moistens everything and all of the edges are blurred, that's what I want to live in forever.

* * *

_Hello._

_I've always believed in writing stories based on experience and this whole one-shot is everything I ever felt, smelled, and observed while riding around Rome. Most of the time I was listening to the song Cycling Holiday by Nico Muhly, so that is where this thing came from._

_I don't think it's supposed to mean anything or move you deeply, but I hope it makes you enjoy the afternoon sun more._

_Thank you for reading._


End file.
